What in the world was I thinking? So many say I was lost in my own dream, a fantasy of my own understanding and I think they should just stop talking about what I was... not dreaming or thinking but feeling. I am tired of living in this world's delivery of what ideas should be. The truth is ideas are unique. Just as each thought that we allow to enter our cortex and analogy. Yet alot of days we forget that feeling is only the first step. We feel it yet, do we accept that we were able to feel anything before it came, or is that something can not be defined and so immediately denied. I want to kick and yell, screaming for my individuality. Just because you can't see the hue of your decisions left to the days consequences. What makes you believe that I can't.
Yet it allows me to arrive again at my next thought. I am not ashamed of the consequences or even the lessons. what I am most ashamed of is that I kept not believing but receiving. For the belief was the relief. I had been rescued. The most desired pain of all is the pain of love that lives in the same joy of love as well. The vulnerability of emotionally romantic relationships is one of the most dangerous game that I have experienced. I am tired of running in circles and so now I begun to evaluate the activity.... I love unconditionally therefore your choices are your choices and I do not change based on the reciprocation of my actions in showing my love and not just saying it. The actions you take to show how you feel whether the love is the same or not is up to you. If I see that you are the most important of people in your world to the extinct of my pain, then what do I do? Where do I apply the difference in a way that leaves no unsatisfied emotions for myself.
I can not expect the same of those around me, however I have the power to hold myself hostage from any love crimes, where me as the victim finds no resolution in at least your words.
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